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Dropping my blackberry en route somewhat prolonged my ride to the station. So much so, in fact, that when I finally arrived on the platform I was met by a pacing and on edge Mark desperate for his morning fix:

“Where you been?” he snapped.

This wasn’t the man I used to know. What had I done to him? What had I become? An evil biscuit pusher preying on the vulnerable it would seem. I considered hiding the stash from him and making him go cold turkey but I had clients that were relying on the ground-breaking research we’d started four days earlier. We had to continue our work. Besides, he knew the risks when he signed up for the project.

I produced the bundle of biscuits, concealed about my person, and sold him one Digestive and one Chocolate Hobnob. Both Class ‘A’ biscuits. One forgets how good the basic biscuits are and the Digestive was no exception. It was excellent. If I had to eat a biscuit for the rest of my life this would be a strong contender. Sweet but not too sweet. Excellent with a glass of milk. Perfect with cheese. None of this mattered though. This was about how it fared in coffee against the Chocolate Hobnob. Biscuit on biscuit. It was good. The Hobnob was better though. The Digestive lay in pieces, vanquished by the relative newcomer to the biscuit world.

Now for the last match of the first round. The smell of the Pink Wafer was enough to turn me off biscuits for ever but once submerged it tasted much better than I ever thought it could. Mark loved it. The 16th and final biscuit to compete was the Nice. A lovely little bite with a hint of coconut and a sprinkling of sugar that gives it an extra crunch. I’m still unsure of its pronunciation, but I am sure I preferred it to the Pink thing.

So, we had our second tie of the week. The casting vote went to a rather posh lady who had probably left her horse at Canterbury, opting to ride Daley Thompson into London, with us, instead. She quickly picked Nice over Pink Wafer. Game over. Our testing was complete for another day. Mark rocked back and forth with a glazed look that comes from too many biscuits whilst I noticed my crazy haired reflection in the train window. I was Dr Frankenbiscuit and Mark was my monster. Please play the following sound effect immediately:

You can see the results from the other matches in round one here:

Jammie Dodger eases past biscuit impostor
Sugary rush on the high speed link
RIP Rich Tea